CHAPTER 9 LUCKY NIGHTS AND LONELY DAYS....continued

As I was setting up the restaurant one morning a very pleasant surprise popped up. A twenty-year old short, petite punk rock girl walked in and asked me if we were hiring. I quickly asked her if she was 18 or older because you have to be at least 18 to carry alcohol to a table, but I really just wanted to know if she was legal or not. Once she told me her age I sat her down for an interview. This girl was different to say the least. She was totally tatted up and had this whole “Suicide Girl” look to her. If you don’t know what a suicide girl is I highly recommend you look them up online. Anyway the point is that this girl was very sexy and very eclectic. Of course the interview was just a formality because I was going to hire her regardless of what she said. So I welcomed her to the team and told her to come in the next day for training. We walked to the front of the restaurant and shook hands as she left. But I just left the best part out. The best part was the half a second she eye fucked me as I shook her hand. This was a true pupil-to-pupil sexual encounter we just shared, and I knew right then and there it was going to be on like donkey Kong. If this were a movie you could just cut right from the handshake/eye fuck scene straight to a shot with her legs spread and in the air while I’m on top giving her the business, and by business I mean my penis.

OK that was kind of weird but seriously I fucked her about a week later. Katie was a nice girl, she was a little out there but she had a good heart. And if you haven’t noticed by now I’m clearly attracted to crazy women. She had a dark mystery to her, she wrote a lot of poems about dying and just death in general. It was totally fuckin hot. But under all the tattoos and Goth makeup she was just another pretty yet insecure girl. Katie and I had random hook ups but nothing ever got too serious. Even though managing my time between my girlfriend and lover was hard enough, I figured what the hell, why not try and throw another ball into this fun juggle of women

So there it is, I’m a total playboy once again. I have a girlfriend, a little freak on the side and another little freak on the other side. Everything is just perfect in my life right? Well not exactly. As time went on I quickly noticed a certain reoccurring trend. Every night I was busy with Shannon, Jackie or Katie but for some reason, every morning as I woke up the first thing I thought of was Layla. FUCKIN LAYLA. She was still on my mind, not so much when I was partying with one of these girls but every single day as sure as the sun rose I would cogitate about that gloriously beautiful she-devil. I had everything I wanted but I didn’t have her. The odd thing about it all was that things couldn’t be any better with Shannon and me. I cut Jackie down to pretty much just Friday nights because Shannon had work early on Saturdays and always stayed in the night before. As for Katie she was just a random late night fling so basically most of my time was dedicated to Shannon. We were starting to get serious but it didn’t freak me out like it normally would. Commitment is a lot easier to handle when you’re not really committed. Sometimes I felt so guilty for what I was doing to her. Shannon was a very sweet, innocent and gullible girl. She never questioned what I did when I wasn’t with her; she never looked through my phone or email, in essence all the things Layla did. It’s ironic because I was always faithful to Layla and never to Shannon. However every time I felt conscience-stricken I would just think about the pain and suffering my so-called serious relationship caused me and I simply figured this was easier. So to make up for all my guilt I treated Shannon like the princess she was. I tried as hard as I could to cater to her needs. I never let her lift a finger and always paid for everything, I even started doing things I have never done for any girl. I would buy her random little gifts all the time, I would surprise her at her job with flowers, most of the time I did these kind acts after a long night of fucking someone else. Another factor was that my normal jealous and over possessive ways were nowhere to be found. There is a two-part explanation for all this. 1) I totally trusted her and 2) I really didn’t care. I thought to myself if I found out she was cheating on me it would just make me feel less guilty. But that’s the problem I was truly indifferent to the whole situation. See it wasn’t just my possessiveness that was missing it was also my passion. The two, it seems, go hand in hand. I cared about Shannon but I wasn’t in love with her, I wasn’t even close. As for Jackie she eventually faded out of my life (I think she found a new fling or two) but instead of focusing on and spending more time with Shannon, my assiduity turned to Katie. We start to hookup regularly, mostly late night. Katie drank a lot and loved her cocaine so she always called me between 1 and 4 AM. Katie knew I was seeing someone else but it didn’t bother her, she was all about having an open relationship and even though she didn’t have a boyfriend she did have a girlfriend. She told me that they had an understanding with one another and they could both do whatever with guys but another girl was considered cheating. So one night or morning I should say, I wake up to my phone ringing and see its KURT calling. I store Katie and pretty much all girls’ names in my phone as a guys name that starts with the same letter. This way if I’m laying in bed with Shannon and my phone goes off at three in the morning instead of explaining to her why some girl named Katie is calling me at this time, I just say “that’s my boy Kurt, he's probably drunk and needs a ride. Oh that crazy Kurt he’s a maniac”. So as I look at my phone I think twice about answering because I had to work in the morning, but I pick up anyway. Katie was wasted as usual so I expect the regular question of “hey you wanna hang out”? Which meant can I come over to fuck, but this time was a little bit different. She starts the conversation with “hey I need a favor from you, but I'm not sure how you’re going to react and if you don’t want to I totally understand”. Normally a comment like this is followed with someone asking you to do something you genuinely do not want to do. But in this case that could not be further from the truth. Katie then proceeds to tell me that she is with her girlfriend and they need somewhere to crash for the night. I knew Shannon wasn’t coming by in the morning so I quickly tell Katie of course you and your girl can sleep here. Then I ask her why she wasn’t sure as to how I would react to them spending the night. Katie tells me that was not the favor she needed and after a slight hesitation Katie blurts out that she and her girlfriend are horny and they need to borrow my cock for the night. I swear to you, verbatim that is what she said. Needless to say I was pleasantly surprised. I made some corny joke about how my cock was not a clip on and that it had to be a package deal that included the rest of me. Katie gives me a fake laugh and tells me they will be over in about twenty minutes. I quickly hop out of bed and begin to clean the pigsty that is my room. I wash my face; brush my teeth and do the balls check. It’s a standard move you just take your hand and rub around the boys. Fred and Ted in my case, Fred is on the right and Ted is on the left. Then you just bring that hand up to your nose and evaluate the situation. Well my assessment was a quick one because the stench of my swamp balls was so pungent I could smell it before my hand reached my face. That’s when I realized I had worked a ten-hour shift today and did not take a bath when I got home. So I hop in the shower and come out so fresh and so clean. Luckily it took the girls longer than expected to get to my house, so I had ample time to do a quick bachelor type clean, which included duties such as throwing my dirty clothes and other random shit laying around into my closet, taking out the dirty dishes laying around, specially the 4 day old 7/11 nachos (with chili and cheese) on top of my TV and lets not forget the most important thing to remember before you have a girl over your place, you have to get rid of all evidence of other girls, for example, earrings or makeup or lip gloss or well I think you get the point. Though I knew Katie knew about Shannon and didn’t care I still made sure to not leave any trace of her around, what can I say I am a creature of habit. So Katie and her girlfriend (Erin) finally arrive, first thing I notice is that they are both completely hammered. I quickly start to chug some beers so I can catch up a little bit. We start to play a drinking game that somehow evolved into a game of truth or dare. Wait…Before I go further let me give u a brief overview of the scene and before I do that let me tell you about Erin. She was very much a suicide type girl herself, she had very short spiky blonde hair and even though most girls can’t pull that look off, Erin rocked it in a very sexy way. She was emphatically thin; she had that seductive Kate Moss-I use heroine look in her eyes. Erin had a pretty flat ass but nice handful size breasts to make up for it. Oh and just in case you were wondering her toes were mediocre at best. The girls were at some concert all night so they were both dressed up in provocative and impure little punk rock outfits. I can’t remember exactly what they had on but ill never forget Katie’s short black skirt with the spiked metal belt and the purposely-ripped black fishnet stockings. MMM I’m getting half staff just thinking about it…ok that may have been too much info let me get focused back on this story. So were all sitting on the couch in my living room playing T or D. It doesn’t take long before things get heated. The first couple of dares had us all making out with each other, then slowly but surely articles of clothing were coming off. Just as it’s my turn to dare one of the girls, I excuse myself because I had to go pee like a racehorse. By the time I got back the girls were half naked and making out while dry humping each other. They look up at me and Erin asks if we can move this game to my bedroom. I grab the case of beer and tell her I thought you would never ask. Katie reminds me that I still have a dare to give out before we head to my room. While I start thinking of who and what to dare, the girls go right back at each other. It was so soft and delicate but at the same time rough and aggressive. You really can learn a lot about satisfying a woman from another woman, trust me I was taking lots of mental notes. Also as I watched this lascivious combo of a blonde and brunette girl all over each other, this was the moment I came up with my theory of uppers and downers being just like one or the other (first paragraph). All I wanted to do was just snort both of those sexy bitches right up. So as fun as it was to watch these two hotties explore each other’s bodies I was ready to dive in this pool of sexuality. Then I made a brave and possibly risky move, I tell the girls that I have a dare ready but its for both of them. They agree and without hesitation I dare one of them to suck my cock while at the same time the other licks my balls and they could choose who did what. I wasn’t sure if it was still too early to pull that one out but hey I figured these girls were wasted and horny enough that I could pretty much get away with anything. Luckily it worked, these two freaks were all about it. Not only did they agree to my dare they decide to rotate positions halfway through…that may have been the best two minutes of my life. Then just as I was really getting into it Katie stands up grabbing my throbbing hard cock with one hand and Erin’s wrist with the other, she proceeds to lead us to my bedroom almost as if we were on a leash. This was the wildest sexual experience I have ever had. We tried so many fun and random acts, some of which I didn’t think were physically possible. I must of cum six or seven times that night, even after Katie fell asleep Erin was still asking me to fuck her. The next day I wake up after about an hour and a half of sleep, my penis was extremely sore and felt like it had been used as a power tool the night before. But it didn’t matter I felt great and had a surprising amount of energy. Unfortunately as I drive to work, somehow someway Layla made it back into my thoughts. I started to think about the threesome I passed up while I was with her and it made me so bitter that she had that much control over me. I wasn’t sure what made me angrier the fact that I missed out on that threesome or that fact that I passed it up for the wrong girl. This was when I realized no matter how lucky my nights were the next day I was always lonely. Ya I know, it sounds like I’m being a little bitch, I mean I just had a threesome with two hot ass girls and I'm complaining about being lonely, oh and by the way I have a great girlfriend too. Well I guess I was being a bitch because the more I thought about it the more I realized that ill never meet another Layla. Looking back I see that was exactly the problem, I was looking for another Layla not another girl. The fact that I was not happy with what I had was very depressing to me which in turn made me angry and that led me right back to being lonely and thinking of Layla. It was a sad cycle that repeated in my mind daily.

I continued my felationship (fake relationship) with Shannon and kept sleeping with Katie on the side, we even had another awesome threesome. Though as time went on I was becoming more and more apathetic about both girls. I probably should and would of ended things earlier with them, but what can I say I was comfortable and did not want to ruin a good thing. I mean let’s get serious I was living the playboy dream day by day by day. Unfortunately with dreams come nightmares and my nightmares were my never-ending thoughts of Layla. I assume I would of continued doing everything I was doing for a long time but then a few random things all happened around the same time and once again my life was about to completely change.

All right first of all my lease was up at my place, I had been living in an apartment with my good friend Jordan. He was the perfect roommate for me for two reasons first he was always at his girlfriends/future wife’s condo, so I pretty much had the place to myself. As for the second and much more important reason he didn’t do any drugs, well he smoked pot here and there but you already how I feel about that. At that point in my life I didn’t realize the kind of influence (both good and bad) a roommate could have on you, although I would soon find out. But the important thing about me preparing to move was that this was the moment I started to write my book. Before I even knew where I was going to move I started to pack up some stuff, during that process I find my “life outline” and notes I wrote during my day of meditation and reflection. So instead of packing up more stuff I grabbed a mead black and white notebook from my closet, ripped out the first few pages that were full of notes from some class that I must have either dropped out of or just gave up on because the rest of it was completely empty, then I began my journey that has led me here to you. I didn’t get much writing done but I did finally start and I quickly learned that this whole writing about my life thing was a great way to release tension, I could feel deep in my bones this was a book I had to finish even if it does take years and even if nobody else ever reads it. Back then none of this mattered to me however I must admit now my biggest fear is that my book, THESE WORDS, that I have put my heart, soul and briskly decreasing brain-cells in, will not be read. That these thoughts like my final speech to Layla will forever go unheard. But Something about the ideation of you, yes you personally, ok not really you personally but the proverbial you reading this gives me a high, it feels very eminent. Chasing this high will eventually prove to save my life. But before we get there we have to talk about the other events that were changing in my life.

Ok lets get the girls out of the way first. Katie tells me she is going to move back to Washington State because she was partying too hard and doing too much blow. She reminded me of a not so much younger version of myself. Running from problems that would inevitably just catch up. As Katie tells me this I instantly think back to my time in Miami and why I left, then I conceive my theory about running from problems and the speed in which they catch up. “Shit I should put that in my book” was the thought running through my head while Katie jibber-jabbered about her problems and why she was moving back. I’m telling you this because this was basically the way my book started to come to life. The little mental notes of life that constantly and sometimes annoyingly rattled in my head were coming to life on paper and with each word I wrote came a release of stress. I felt like I had a lot to share, maybe some of my dumb ass decisions could help others make some not so dumb ass decision or even the flip side maybe some of my good moves could persuade others to do the same, actually screw that. Who the hell am I to influence you, make some bad decisions, and live a little. Everyone has there own path but like I said before this story is one of a kind and at the same time very common a lot of people can relate to the trials of my personal quarter life crisis. Sure the exact issues may be different but the outlining problems are basically the same. Specially if you’re young and a little crazy, and trust me there are a lot of us out there.

Now the scenario with Shannon was very complicated. In her eyes we were an utterly happy and committed couple. I’m not sure where she got that idea from, maybe it had something to do with the fact that I totally bullshitted her and led her to believe we were monogamous (ya that might have had something to do with it). Once Katie left I quickly start to freak out about how serious Shannon and me have become, or at least how serious we were from her perspective. I didn’t know what to do. On one hand I have a hot, fun girl that I like but on the other hand I knew I was not in love with her and even though I hadn’t seen Layla in well over a year, my heart was still in mourning. I knew it was going to take more time and definitely a lot more girls before I was truly over Layla. This was not a fair way to treat Shannon. I began to feel exceedingly bad about the web of lies I’ve created in this “felationship”. I kept trying to figure a way that I could bow out gracefully. You know to actually have a good break up with a girl for once not one where we want to kill each other afterwards. Sadly though I still stayed with Shannon, I would like to say that it was because I didn’t want to hurt her, but honestly I knew what I was doing would just cause her more pain in the long run. Writing this right now I realize it was just because of my own selfish reasons. I was too pussy to leave Shannon. I was scared to be alone, the reality of not having Layla and not having anyone else was one I did not want to face. This is why I believe everyone should write a book about their life, because it undeniably helps you understand the decisions you have made as you travel your path, even if it sometimes is a choice you regret.

So what did I end up doing about it? Well I did nothing. Just as I found a new place to live Shannon tells me that the kids she coached have made some big national tournament and she would be traveling all across the east coast with them for the next 8 weeks. When I asked if she was going to be coming home at all, she said she might be back one weekend in the middle of the tourney if she was lucky. Of course I acted totally distraught about all this but inside I figured this was a good thing, hoping somehow everything would work itself out over the next couple of months. All right, here we are, my girls are gone and I’m moving. Its time for me to begin a new chapter and now it is time for you to do the same. As fatuous and insane as my life has been, nothing could of prepared me for the mad journey I was about to embark on. It was called the CUSTOM HOUSE and it was the craziest motherfuckers you’ve ever seen doing the dumbest shit you’ve ever heard of.

CHAPTER 10 HOLLYWOODS OF OC

CHAPTER 9 LUCKY NIGHTS AND LONELY DAYS

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CHAPTER 8 HERE WE GO AGAIN

CHAPTER 8 HERE WE GO AGAIN

Now it was time to get over Layla, grievously it was still too soon, I was too unstable. I should of just stayed sheltered and kept overworking. But it was too hard to be good. Every time I would be at home I would start to get lonely, every time I got lonely I thought of her and every minute I spent thinking of her felt like an eternity of misery. I felt like there was no headway, absolutely no progression in my life. I found myself asking the question. Was I living or just simply existing? Time itself was standing still and the only thing I could feel change was my feelings of depression succeeding as the days passed. So I decided fuck it, I need to be back in the scene and out partying. And once again my thoughts became my actions. Of course working at a restaurant leaves you with a lot of access to party supplies. So as I start going out more and hanging out with some of my old boys (you know those crazy single friends you seem to lose touch with when you’re in a relationship) I start to drink heavily and for the first time in a few years I blow some coke, and slowly but surely this is the path I follow. Like I said when you’re working at a restaurant you pretty much have access to every drug you can think of because there are at least two part time drug dealers at every restaurant out there, whether it’s the local diner or a fancy expensive joint.

If you don’t believe me please ask someone who has worked or still does at a restaurant. Anyway the point for now is at work I could pretty much get as much coke as I wanted and being a manager has its perks because the drug dealer servers and bartenders will always need a favor from you. Well I really took advantage of this and while we’re on the subject I also took advantage of a few other perks and I mean the female kind. Included with drugs, restaurants are also usually stacked full with hot young girls, specially a restaurant that had me in charge of the hiring. Within the first three months of the final breakup I slept with 2 servers, a bartender, the owner’s (totally hot) daughter and I had a young hostess give me a blowjob in the manager’s office. Ya I know it sounds grimy but at that point I was a grimy dude, but none of these girls meant anything to me they were just bad attempts at a rebound. This is when I really start to turn to coke. I was working long hours and partying even longer, a perfect combo for my reacquired vice. So I start getting back into the club scene with a few of my Persian friends, Whats funny about these guys is that they had a completely different and probably more dangerous combo of a lifestyle, which ultimately led to the same conclusion as me. They had too much money and too much time on their hands. We were a big and deep seeded group but the main trio consisted of me, my boy Ali and his cousin J.

They came from a very wealthy Iranian family that was spread throughout the Northern Virginia, DC and Maryland (the DMV). So they had great connections through out the whole area. I had known Ali since high school and he went off to Virginia Tech but came back home when him and his girlfriend of five years broke. He decided to drop out of school, he never said so but I know he just figured who needs college when your filthy rich. Well I guess we had that bond of both of us trying to get over our ex’s. Sadly though we had something else in common and that was the fact that we both loved to dance dance dance to the yeyeo. So thanks to their hook-ups we roll through DC like kings, we always get VIP tables and always party like rock stars. Life was a big blur of drugs, work and clubs, and for a while this was the ultimate vacation from my thoughts of Layla and really anything else in my life. I was completely caught up in that spectacle, on Tuesdays it was SPANK (the upper level of twelve twenty-three) , on Wednesday it was ummm well shit I don’t even remember the name of it, on Thursdays K-Street Lounge was the hot spot. As for the weekends, forget about it, we would hit up so many different spots there’s no point in recalling them all. And not so slowly our intake of the devils dandruff was increasing, we used to get a gram or two for the night and next thing u know it’s an eight ball or two. If you knew me during this time you could see the wear n tear I was putting my body through just by looking at my face. But I didn’t care I was living large and it felt good even if it was probably killing me.

Well speaking of killing myself, me and the boys were also getting into a new trend of adding sleeping/anxiety pills to the nightly mix to kind of even us out a little bit. I know it sounds crazy to do Xanax, Klonipin or Valium to calm me down from all the cocaine I was blowing up my nostrils but these are the rationales of a druggie. Now this toxic combo is supposed to be extremely bad for you if not deadly but it sure felt good. Plus the best benefit was that I could actually get some sleep at the end of a night. So to sum it up I was becoming a coke head with a pill habit that works all day and parties all night, and yes it was as tiring as it sounds, but when you’re young and on the rebound you play now and worry later. And so I did just that, I kept on playing the game. Through the clubs I met a lot of girls but none even worth mentioning. By this point in my life I have completely given up on the idea of a monogamous relationship. I heard Bill Maher compare it to communism once saying that they both only looked good on paper. I’ve never agreed with someone more. I guess it could have been the girls I was meeting, you know they say you can’t meet a good girl in a club, or maybe it was my attitude and mind set, hell it could have even been the drugs. I’m not totally sure what it was but I did not come close to any kind of connection with any girl. There was what seemed to be an endless sea of meaningless sex but definitely no sparks out there. So I stay true to the white girl (cocaine) and more and more my habit was getting worse. Eventually Ali found us a great hook-up for some amazing almost completely uncut coke and we would just buy an ounce at a time, then we would sell gram by gram at the clubs. And you would be surprised how much you can sell a gram of good quality cocaine in a club in DC at one in the morning.

I mean everything in the District was at least twice the price it was in Miami if not more. From then on things changed, instead of spending a boat load of money on a bag every night we were actually making a profit. I’m using the term profit very loosely because most of the extra coke was just going up our noses. I wouldn’t say we were drug dealers because this was no full time thing; we were more like party suppliers. We were the guys that you would see in the club once you’re completely hammered and you think “hey a huge bump of coke sounds like a good idea”. Yup we were the guys you go to in that situation. Things were just so crazy and every night seemed to blur together in a hazy conglomerate of fuckedupness, that is definitely not a real word but trust me this was a real feeling. I can remember one new years eve, well the next morning actually, just sitting in a hotel room with Ali and J and the little table in the room was just covered with coke (not like Tony Montana in Scarface, but more like in Lord of Wars when Nicholas Cage’s brother has a yeyeo outline of Yugoslavia or someplace like that). Anyway the night was over long ago, the sun came up hours ago and the three of us were just snorting away. That night was a hazy blur like the rest but I can distinctly remember Ali taking a huge Hollywood and then asking me I wonder how much of this stuff do we have to do until we overdose. It’s not just what he asked me it was the way he asked it, he meant it, he really wanted to know because he really was trying to overdose. I’ll never forget that horrible decrepit look in his eyes. That was the first time in a long time I actually took a step back and a look at my life. I realized how bad and dangerous my lifestyle was becoming. Unfortunately realizing that something is bad for you and doing something about it are two completely different things. After my bingers I would always say I’m done, that’s it, it was very easy to not want any coke when the party was over and I was hung over and strung out of my mind, but eventually I would get over it and either go to work or go out and both of those would lead me back to drinking and drugs. Here’s a little tip for anyone trying to get sober. DON’T WORK IN A RESTAURANT. So this cycle continuous for a while, until something odd happened, something that would make this bad situation even worse.

But first a little poem I wrote in the middle of a 60 hour binger, I call it DEVILS DANDRUFF.

SNIFF SNIFF DRIP DRIP DAMN THATS GOOD SHIT; Woooo I just felt that first sweet kiss; see my boy you wanna hit this; and yes ignorance is bliss; once again I take a big dip; SNIFF SNIFF DRIP DRIP DAMN THATS GOOD SHIT; random thoughts come out of me like little kids; what where when why and who with; there’s a pool of answers but I haven’t taken a dip; what will I do and where will I live; when will I go; and why can’t I know; but before that who will I be with; I’m thinkin to much, guess I need a hit; grab sexy single chic; SNIFF SNIFF DRIP DRIP DAMN THATS GOOD SHIT; if I wasn’t so yaced up I would try to hit; but I’ll drink much more and be ready in a bit; I’m nice now the whole night is a skit; I do what I do and I’m with who I’m with; but with a lie; I might just die; though if I’m right; I will take flight; another girl another night; one more hit just one last night; SNIFF SNIFF DRIP DRIP DAMN THATS GOOD SHIT; too much of this and I could get bit; don’t care if my book is not a hit; crazy but not psycho I won’t slit my wrist; not so fast ill do it bit by bit; get it not the whole yard just inch by inch; maybe ill change and from this game ill slip; but what about the pool I still haven’t taken a dip; wait that’s not the future just that bitches grip; my last line I’ll take it in the whip; SNIFF SNIFF DRIP DRIP DAMN THATS GOOD SHIT.

Theres a second part but I cant seem to find it… Oh well back to the story

One night at work, towards the end of my shift, while I was on my fifth glass of wine I start asking around if anyone was holding. For the laymen that means if anyone had drugs to sell. Well soon enough one of the bartenders pulls me aside to tell me he has some very strong pain killers. SWEET, by now I was not oppose to getting some pills when there was no coke or even better a combo of both. The only thing was that I never found a pill I truly loved and more importantly one that I was willing to divorce my white girl for, again for the laymen I liked cocaine much more than any pills I had ever tried. So I ask him what he has, I assume to get the regular answer of Percocet or Vicodin but he tells me he has something different and by different he meant much stronger and way more expensive. He tells me he has something called Oxycontin, I didn’t know much about this drug so I ask him a bunch of questions. He had 80 milligram pills and that they went for about a dollar a mg on the streets he says. I instantly think to myself well if that single pill costs 80 dollars it better come with some weed or maybe a blowjob from a hot chick. The Barkeep proceeds to tell me that for my first time the one pill is more than enough to keep me zooted all night. So heres a shocker…I buy one, he helps me crush up about a quarter of it and makes me two tiny little lines. There is a whole process that involves in turning an oxy pill into powder form but we’ll get into that later.

After I see the lines I look at him and ask if that was it. I was used to blowing huge Hollywoods and these two little cunt hairs of lines seemed insignificant, but this guy tells me to forget about Hollywood were going to OC (which was a nickname for Oxycontin). So I toot both lines up and spend the next twenty minutes complaining about how these pills sucked and I probably should have done more but on the advice of my friend I wait it out. Then all of a sudden a euphoric sensation ran through my body, making me kind of tingle from head to toes. It’s extremely difficult to explain how I felt but it seemed for now at least this drug had all the good qualities of coke without having some of the bad ones. I became more social but did not talk a mile a minute or grind my jaw every other second (which was a bad habit I had whenever I did too much yac). I could eat food and hell at the end of the night I could actually sleep. Once again I’m using another term loosely because in the beginning the sleep was more like being in a coma while waking up every other hour and for some reason laugh a little bit but nevertheless I hung out with deaths cousin more than usual. From that night on, once again, things started to slowly change. I did less and less coke, but more and more OC’s. I even start to get out of the club scene; Amir and the fella’s did not seem to share my passion for this newly acquired party treat. Besides they were much deeper in the grip of that bitch (coke) than I ever was. But don’t get me wrong I still went out with those guys and partied like a rock star, just less often and the main difference was that in my off time I was doing a bunch of oxy’s. At this point in my life I wasn’t a fan of mixing the two drugs the way I would with coke and Xanax for example. I had heard a lot of bad rumors about the oxy cocaine combo, supposedly a kid I went to high school with died of mixing the two. Besides I was fine just doing one or the other…well for now at least. Sometime passed and my life was a cloudy haze, days seemed to overlap. Their was just a lot drugs, work and random sex.

But things were not as great as they sound; my life was on a steady decline. I was spending all of my income on drugs now and pretty much stayed broke. I made descent money managing the restaurant but like I always say some people have kids to support and some have bad habits to support. I remember hitting my financial rock bottom when I had my car repossessed. I had a nice Acura and I missed a couple of my payments, then when I finally sent in a check it bounced. And bam all of a sudden my car was gone, it was official I was a loser. But the funny thing was that I didn’t even care I was so caught up in myself that I was completely apathetic to everything around me. I ended up buying some old crappy Honda from some guy I knew who really needed the money (probably for drugs). Like I said it didn’t matter what I was driving then, I was still sleeping with hot girls and sadly this was how I perceived my life as still being ok. Besides I had something much more important than some stupid car to worry about. My 25th birthday was coming up so I call up Amir and the crew, we decide to get a couple of tables at LUV which at this point was a fading club but my cousin worked their and Ali was close with the head promoter. So we get the tables, a bunch of pills, and handfuls of coke. The rest is as they say “history”.


They say history is written by the winners, well in this case they were wrong. Because as I write this I realize what a loser I was around this time. My thoughts bring a funny sense of irony with them because I'm about to tell you about six of the most fun months I ever had, yet as I reminisce I get a horrible empty disposition deep inside me. Ok so lets remind you and maybe more importantly me the wild and impelling times I was about to encounter.

Oh wait I just realized we have hit that point in the story. You know the point where the first (usually futuristic) scene is finally reached. Like the restaurant robbery scene in Pulp Fiction or George Clooney and the horses in Michael Clayton. This is where the anecdote is suppose to come together. “Like a simple puzzle” I said, if I recall correctly. Well maybe this puzzle, very much like life, isn’t as simple as expected.

CHAPTER 9 LUCKY NIGHTS AND LONELY DAYS

CHAPTER 7 1/2 THE GODDESS OF LOVE IS A BITCH

CHAPTER 7 1/2 THE GODDESS OF LOVE IS A BITCH

Well fall has finally arrived and I spend the last week of that summer preparing Layla for her move, she was renting an apartment with some girl that she knew. The place was right off campus and seemed nice from what I heard. Layla was so excited, this being the first time she was moving out on her own. I was happy to see her happy but at the same time scared of the fact that she was leaving. Nevertheless I send my baby on her way. The day she left wasn’t as bad as I thought only for the mere fact that on this day I decided next weekend would be a perfect time for me to make my first visit. I tried to convince myself that this was just a temporary move and everything would be kosher between us, so there was no need for a big goodbye or anything like that. So as she sits in her car and starts it I lean in through the window to give her one last kiss on her temple and boom just like that she’s gone. That first week without Layla was a long uneventful week for me.

All I really did was work and wait for the weekend to roll on through. Everyday felt like a week but eventually Friday was here and I started to make that drive to go see her. One thing that has always stuck with me was that ride down. Not what I saw on the road trip but rather what I heard. I am a huge talk radio fan and hardly listen to music in my car. Unless I’m in one of those emotional moods, then I’m just totally jamming out. Anyway on this day I was listening to my favorite show at the time which was hosted by my favorite sports writer. The Tony Kornheiser Show. Most people know him as Michael Wilbons counterpart on Pardon the Interruption on ESPN or the guy who hosts Monday Night Football. Well before all that he was a sports writer for the Washington Post and a radio personality. I had listened to Tony for a while now and I was completely in love with the show. Unfortunately with my new work schedule this was the first time in a couple of weeks I was able to listen and as I turn on my sports talk show I learn some bad news.

Today is Tony’s last day the shows final broadcast. I think it was because he had just got the Monday night gig and didn’t have enough time for a daily radio show but don’t quote me on that. Now I was upset that he was leaving but that’s not why this specific episode was so memorable. It was the song that he was breaking down and it was the way it made me feel. Confused, well let me explain. Tony's final show was centered around an infamous song that I heard at least a hundred times but had no idea of the story behind the story. The show broke down the lyrics of Don McLean’s “American Pie.” You know: them good ole boys drinkin’ whiskey and rye. I was learning about the controversial meanings behind the lyrics. I won’t get too far into it but it’s basically about various political and social movements in the mid to late sixties. Well actually it’s more than that, I would highly recommend for anyone to look this subject up on the Internet. The point is hearing this song on this ride was for some reason really getting to me. “American Pie” was about an end of an era and of course in my own selfish and egocentric way I made it all about me. I can remember that feeling I had the whole ride down. That uneasy nervous feeling right in my gut it was like a mix between butterflies and liquor shits. I couldn’t help but feel that maybe this was the end of our era. Maybe she left because she wanted to get away from me, maybe this was the beginning of the end, maybe we would both end up cheating on each other and everything would get all screwed up like it did with Luisa. There all of a sudden were a lot of maybes in my head. All of them were totally unwarranted but I still spent the next four hours thinking about it all. Thanks a lot Tony Kornheiser.

Of course he was not really to blame; it was my own insecurities that I had to deal with. So all that was left was to suck it up and go see my girl. After that long ride amid the turmoil in my mind the exact thing I needed to see was her pretty face. It felt like it had been weeks if not months since I had seen her. She was even more beautiful than I remembered, her dark shiny midnight black hair was in my face as I was hugging her I just held her and took her in breathe by breathe. I remember thinking that everything was going to be ok with us. I guess it is true that distance makes the heart grow weary, so all I had to do was not leave too much distance between us for too long of a time. Easier said than done when your girlfriend lives in a different state than you. For now though everything was kosher. We had a blast that weekend, spending every moment with each other and absolutely enjoying it. But leaving her this time was much harder than before because we did not know exactly when we would see each other. I had to get back to work and she had to get back to school. It would be at least a couple of weeks before either one of us could go see the other. The ride home was a lonely one no Layla and no Tony, just me, my car and a couple of blunts. Thank God for marry Jane the one girl who will never leave me.

OK now I’m back home. I miss Layla instantly and the effects of a long distance relationship start to wear in. A few weeks go by, we talk all the time but slowly it seems our conversations get shorter and shorter. She makes some friends out there, a few of them being guys. Of course I disapprove and try to explain to her Chris Rocks theory of a guy in the friend zone and that they only stay in the friend zone because they have to. Until they get that one shot and then they will scoop you up like a hawk. She thinks I’m just crazy and overprotective and while she is correct on both counts I still knew I was right. But I had to be more mature than that; I had to let her live her life. Besides what was I going to do, forbid her to from making guy friends? First of all that would be a psycho kind of guy request and second Layla was not the kind of girl to ever let anyone forbid her from doing anything.

So I try to get over my insecurities about her guy friends. As her semester continues Layla and I see each other about every two or three weeks. On the outside everything seemed perfect, actually the sex was better than ever because it wasn’t a daily thing and the buildup of all the phone sex we were having was really bringing the kinky out of us. But under the outer shell we were somehow becoming more distant with each other. It was all happening so slow and steady that I couldn’t really notice it at the time but as I think back it’s just so obvious we were drifting apart. Layla was really into school and that was fine but the curve ball came when she started telling me about these “self help” classes her friends got her into. They were these courses that people would sign up and pay good money for so they can be told clichés like there are those that try and those that do or they have you do stuff like make a list of people to apologize to. All of this sounded like an AA meeting to me and Layla was not happy about my lack of enthusiasm about it.

My theory about these so called self help classes was always that if (and this is a big if) these people that run these organizations are so righteous about their ideas and projects which by the way are actually pretty good ideas in most cases. Then you can put the whole course on a DVD and sell it for ten bucks or better yet put it on YouTube for free or you could have your seminars and charge just enough to cover your costs. But I looked into it and these people were charging a thousand plus per person per 5 week session. That was ridiculous to me but you would be surprised how many damn people were signing up for these classes.

This is when Layla and I truly bumped heads for the first time. The more she tried to push this stuff on me the more I got turned off by it and the more I tried to talk her out of wasting her time and money the more she seemed turned off by me. Eventually we just agreed to disagree but still this was one more thing in between us. As Layla's semester nears an end she decides to stay and finish the year and not move back till the summer. We had discussed this before so it was not a complete shock but deep down inside I thought she would of come home after that first semester. I tried to not let on how hurt I was that she did not miss me as much as I missed her. Maybe that was the problem I should of let her know how distraught I was but instead I kept it all bottled and let that hurt marinate until one day when it will turn into absolute rage. Luckily we had a couple of weeks together for her Christmas break so I was just happy to be with her. Unfortunately sooner than later the New Year came and it was bearing a few surprises.

The next few months had a very bland taste to them. We just go on with our long distance relationship, seeing each other every few weeks or so desperately trying to keep the flame burning. Until the call that changed everything. My phone vibrates, as I’m watching a movie at my apartment with my roommates. I look down and see its Layla. Quickly I get up and go to my room because as soon as I pick up I can tell she is upset. She was kind of whining and crying at the same time, it was very difficult to understand her. After a few minutes of sorting out what’s going on I realize she is trying to tell me that she kissed someone (who by the way was one of those friends/scooping hawks we discussed earlier). This was so unexpected, I totally thought she was going to tell me her uncle is sick or her dog died not that she hooked up with some dude. The immediate sensation I felt was simply the worst feeling I’ve ever had in my entire life. I was absolutely disgusted I wanted to just curl up in a ball and vomit profusely. I will later know this sensation again but it will come in a much different form known as withdrawal and it will come tenfold. But I’m getting way too far ahead of myself; let’s get back to the story.

In the past there were girls I’ve dated that I found out were hooking up with other guys and I was somewhat upset but really I didn’t care. I expected that from those types of girls but not Layla, even though all she said they did was kiss I was still outraged. I didn’t even let her finish explaining as soon as I realized what she said I went into a lunatic like rage. My initial reaction was to hang up on her and to simply stand in my room just staring at the wall with a completely shocked look on my face. But as she kept repeatedly calling me back I started to get more and more enraged and I mean this was an unprecedented anger for me. So by the fifth time she calls me back I pick up and start to curse her out and say as many demeaning things as I can come up with. This was a side of me neither one of us had ever seen before. Then after saying horrible unthinkable things to her she hangs up on me and I make a personal vow to never speak to her again. Now I know from the outside looking in you can say it was just a kiss and she even had the decency to tell me but I just kept picturing her making out with some guy while he had his hands, no wait his dirty grimy hands all over MY princess, and really who knew exactly what she did all I knew was what she told me. At the time; to me, that kiss was the first step into what seemed like an endless tunnel of doomed reality. I finally manage to get about two hours of sleep that night, and when I woke up I was still pissed off.

Only difference was that I realized I should not have said those harsh words to her. We don’t talk for the next two days, which was the longest period of time I hadn’t heard her voice since we got together. On the second night Layla shows up, completely unannounced at my front door. So we finally sit down and talk about everything like adults, her story had conveniently changed from she kissed someone to someone tried to kiss her and she pushed them off. It was obvious that she just felt bad and tried to change her story to make me feel better. But I guess love is not only blind it’s gullible as well because slowly I was starting to believe her. And once she told me she was moving back for good and that she dropped her two classes that weren’t online just to be with me, I completely caved in. How could I not she was sacrificing to make things work besides she was my heart what else could I do but stay with her. Sadly though inside I never really forgave her for what she did, I mean I was giving up sweet threesomes in Miami and this bitch is was making out with some random dude. I’m sorry I take that back she is not a bitch at all, but from here on I always had that sense of doubt in the back of my mind. I still loved her but I lost some of what once was unyielding respect for her.


The next couple of weeks were awkward and tough for us but at least she was back in town and man did it feel good to have her near me. Slowly I start to get over everything that happened; I mean it was just a kiss it’s not like she had sex with anyone. And the one factor that really helped me was that she came out and told me what happened, I always appreciated that. Also the sex was still amazing especially the newly discovered angry sex that we were having. It was rough and kinky to say the least. Unfortunately even a donkey punch couldn’t salvage our relationship because as much as we tried things weren’t the same as before and probably never would be. Tried working on the relationship that is not tried working on a donkey punch; actually there never really was a donkey punch it just made for well, a good punch line. One new aspect was our fighting, we used to never argue at all but now the slightest little things would trigger and set off either one of us, hence the angry sex. I think it was a two way street of built up anger, me being angry for what she did and her being angry for what I said. Honestly I couldn’t even blame her for being so upset. The night of the original fight about the kiss I said some harsh, cruel and disrespectful things that a man should never say to anyone especially a woman. Trust me you don’t want to know exactly what I said and I couldn’t tell you even if I wanted to because I have blocked the details of that fight out of my mind for so long that I just don’t remember them.

So all of a sudden I feel like we are an old married couple (until we have sex at least) and on top of all that I was moving up in the restaurant to head assistant manager which was really just a bullshit title that meant more hours, more responsibility and not much more pay. So in a flash I went from a young kid to an old man, now that may sound a little extreme but it is exactly how I felt. See that’s the thing that can happen when you’re in your twenties one day you feel like you’re still eighteen and then BOOM you’re thirty. This can all be very intimidating and I feel is the root of the tree that is the quarter life crisis. As far as Layla and I things were not getting much better, the fighting continues and I catch myself becoming a very jealous guy, which sucked because I always took pride in the fact that I was very confident in our bond. My theory used to be that if you could take my girl from me then you deserve to have her, but it is a lot harder to say and mean that when you don’t have complete trust for your girlfriend.

Our relationship starts getting very sour, we finally decide to take some time apart. But the problem with that is I was absolutely miserable without her and the thought of her with someone else made me want to do unspeakable things. The two of us start a horrendous cycle of making up and breaking up. Sadly though with each round we were just getting worse. Our fights become borderline psychotic and 90 percent of the time I wasn’t even sure what we were fighting about. We went from being one of those couples that made you sick how happy they were to one of those couples that everyone felt uncomfortable being around and wondered why they were together.

I was stuck in a trap, I was in love with the wrong girl and like a Chinese finger trick the harder I try to pull out the tougher it became. The Goddess of love was playing a cruel joke on me and just sitting back laughing it up. The Goddess of love is a bitch. Fuck her, who needs her, who needs love. I was over it. Me and Layla’s final breakup and makeup was the straw that broke the camel’s back, no pun intended. We actually tried to really end things this time; we didn’t see each other for about six weeks. I truly thought at this point we would never get back together well I guess that was just too dull for the Goddess of love because somehow I randomly bump into Layla. But before we get to that lets talk a little about the six weeks I was single. This was the first breakup we had that I actually pursued girls. I went on a couple of dates with maybe the most boring girl I had ever met so that was the end of that. More importantly during that six weeks Luisa was in town for a while visiting her mom. You remember Luisa right, the first love of my life, the click clack of her heels and all that good stuff.

Anyway long story short we slept together a few times, well a lot of times but only in a couple of days. She had a boyfriend back in Florida so it was purely just a sexual experience, nothing more and we both knew it. Ok that pretty much wraps up my six weeks and now back to when Layla and I saw each other. All the good feelings came back while the bad ones must have been hiding in the shadows because I definitely could not see any problems with us getting back together. I know now that it was because she was so damn hot that I kept getting back with her when I knew I shouldn’t, it can be a gift and a curse dating a gorgeous woman. A gift for the obvious reasons and a curse because like a good drug there even better when u haven’t had them in a while, and I really needed my fix. So we give it another shot. One of our first discussions was her asking me if I had hooked up with anyone while we were broken up, so I start to tell her about the girl I went on the two dates with and she just cuts me off to tell me she was wrong for asking and it didn’t matter to her because we were not together at the time. This worked out well because I was not planning on telling her about Luisa anyway.

Layla always had a thing about Luisa; I guess she knew that she was the only girl out there that could compete with her for my attention. Then I ask Layla the same question she just asked me and she tells me she did absolutely nothing. This reassured me to the fact that this girl really did love me and was willing to wait for me. Also it made me feel very guilty because I was so quick to stray. Things were great the first couple of weeks we were back together but eventually everything went back to normal. The fights were as bad as ever and to me Layla seemed to be losing her mind. She was very unstable and extremely emotional even for a woman. Sorry I had to say that. Seriously though she was losing it, her temper tantrums were not just verbal anymore she started trying to hit me whenever she got mad. Even though she was a sexy petite five foot hundred pound girl she sure could pack a punch. I actually thought it was kind of cute but what does that really say about me. So one day after a big fight Layla tries to make things up to me and it works because I’m just a sucker for her, and after we make up Layla says there is something she really needs to tell me and it was important for me to hear before the two of us move on. I’m getting sick just remembering this conversation.

She proceeds to tell me that when we were broken up she got back with her ex and they slept together NUMEROUS TIMES. Now that was bad enough but really it was the same thing I did. So instead of flipping out I immediately tell her about Luisa, she was very upset and crying but told me she was not finished yet. That’s when the salt starting pouring on my wound, she told me she had hooked up with another guy and worst of all he was one of my friends. “What him are you serious”, I just kept repeating that while thinking to myself I’m in love with a slut. She was so upset about everything she couldn’t really talk just cry and whimper. But as for as me, every second there was fuel being added to the fire of my rage. I yell and I curse till I can’t yell anymore. I look at her one last time in a sick and disappointed manner and she just returned look right back at me. It’s actually ironic because that was the last time these eyes ever saw that pretty face of hers. I walked out of her house and in my immature anger I scratched the word whore on the side of her car with my keys. And that is the sad, sad final memory we have of each other

I remember driving home from Layla’s house and just thinking that’s it, this time when she comes back to me, I'm not taking her. I had to be strong. I did her dirty but she had me beat tenfold (at least that’s what I believed). I mean come on her ex and someone I’m friends with in that short period. Seriously? So this time I was not going to be soft, I was not going to allow her back into my life. But I never had to put myself to the test; you see there was no taking her back because she never came back. She never called me; I never bumped into her when I was out. And honestly I waited and waited and practiced what I would say to her about a thousand times but that speech will forever go unspoken. At first I was thrilled, I hated her for the way she made me feel. I deleted her number from phone, even though it was embedded in my brain; I guess it was more symbolic than anything. But as time passed I started to think about why she wasn’t coming back. I started to question why our relationship went so bad, I used to be convinced it was because of Layla and that crazy attitude of hers but maybe it was me, maybe ultimately I'm just a selfish prick that only cares about himself and eventually she saw that, maybe it was me acting crazy in those fights, maybe it was all my doing and I pushed her away and then of course these other guys came and snatched her up. Well once again there were a lot of maybes but there was never an answer to my questions because I never got a chance to ask.

I spend the next few weeks going through stages of anger and remorse. This was a dark and desolate period for me; I could do nothing but think about Layla. I felt absolutely lonely; I had no one and nothing. The only slight getaway for my mind was work so all I did was focus on running the restaurant. They say time heals all wounds but unfortunately it was not healing my wounds fast enough so I decide to self medicate a few things that will help speed up the process.

CHAPTER 8 HERE WE GO AGAIN

CHAPTER 7 THE GODDESS OF LOVE ENTERS MY LIFE

CHAPTER 7 THE GODDESS OF LOVE ENTERS MY LIFE

I spend the next two days thinking about how much I like this girl and masturbating to different sexual scenarios we could have had that night. Finally we make plans for her to come over and watch a movie and honestly during that movie I might as well have been looking at a blank screen because not once did I stop thinking about what was hopefully going to happen. I didn’t make a move during the flick because I’m trying to play it cool with her and I definitely don’t want to ruin anything by seeming desperate. To tell you the truth I think she may have been testing me in some sort of way because even though we were cuddling and all that good stuff during movie she never made a move past PG-13. Maybe she wanted to see how long I would wait or if I would remind her of what she said a couple of nights ago. I’m still not sure what she was thinking but what I do know is right after that movie finished she jumped right on top of me and we started going at it. She then gets up and leads me by the hand straight to my bedroom. The next three hours may have been the best three hours of my life. Often the first time two people sleep together things are very awkward. The two sides are still trying to feel each other out while still going hard at it; it’s kind of like the first quarter of a professional football game. But not this time, everything felt so right. We seemed to know exactly what the other wanted. There were no awkward moments. Just pure, raw, unfiltered sex except with a strange twist there was actually feeling behind it all. Imagine that, sex connected with emotion.

I hadn’t had that sensation in a while and even then it was nothing close to this. We went at it for a long time; the only break we took was to smoke a blunt, our newly demoted second favorite thing to do together. By the end of the night my cock was completely sore and my last few rounds of jizz looked like tiny drops of watered down cheap canned chicken soup. The point is that the sex was even better than the hundreds of times I had imagined it. From then on I was completely love struck. It’s like I was addicted to this girl and it seemed that she was just as much into me. I start to hang out with Layla any and every chance I get. There doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day for us to get in all the rabbit fucking we need. Just thinking about her would get me raised to at least half staff. I was having the best sex of my life and it was actually with my girlfriend. That’s the beauty of it all, before and after sex I enjoyed just hanging out with her.

It was so completely different then getting laid by some gutter slut and the desperately trying to get the hell away. The more I learned about Layla the more interested I became. I start to read some of her poetry that was just so crazy it was genius; I even fell in love with her room at her parents’ house. The room was painted all over with the most random shit on her walls. Everything in there was a beautiful extension of Layla; her hand drawn portrait of Jim Morrison was only surpassed by some wild painting on the corner of the wall made only with blue and black paint and Layla’s amazing breasts. The thing that was really intriguing me about Layla was her way of thinking, her perception of life was so unique. She could find amazing beauty in things I never even noticed. Slowly my eyes were seeing her world.

I try things I’ve never tried before like meditating and even Pilates, both of which I must say are amazing. The two of us could just sit around for hours just smoking pot and discussing crazy out of our mind ideas. That’s what I was realizing about Layla she was a little crazy and it was the most arousing thing I have ever noticed in a woman. Our relationship was becoming much deeper than just amazing sex, and the great thing was that the sex was getting even better. I wasn’t getting bored after a few months like I had with every other girl since Luisa. It was a positive double whammy the more I got to know her the more I liked her. The more I liked her the better the sex was. Things were truly great. One picture or idea I’ve always carried in my mind is that of a Goddess of love, she is an all knowing omnipotent creature that works in mysterious ways but eventually will bless everyone with the chance to be with the one they love. Why a Goddess u might ask or even better why not just cupid well I don’t know this is just what I’ve always envisioned besides its my mind and ill think what I want.

Anyway the Goddess of love has entered my life, through her crazy ways she has blessed me and I couldn’t be more thankful for it. I can feel the two of us start to hit that next level of the relationship, we even meet each other’s parents. Well she meets mine and I meet her mom, there was no way I could meet Layla’s dad he was a strict Muslim and not ready to accept that American style dating our generation was used to. Also from the pictures I had seen he was a big intimidating looking dude so I was in no rush myself. Layla started staying at my place more and more often. I barely ever go out without her, my partying has seemed to completely diminish. Other than the pot I smoke with her I cut out all drugs. There was no need to, I mean cocaine is a sexy bitch but my girl was sexier and even more addicting. Now I'm exploring unmarked territory, I’ve never been this serious with anyone. But I was not worried, I never thought twice about being with her. The uneasy feeling of monogamy that has plagued my short adult life was nowhere to be found.

Ok so let’s reflect a little. Layla and I have been together for about a year and a half now things just couldn’t be any better with us. My life on the other hand was still a mess. I was making good money bartending and serving and a nice little local Italian restaurant but I was at a stalemate about what I wanted to do with my future. Besides I was so caught up in this romance comedy movie of the year relationship that I was not focused on anything else. As far as Layla, she was two years younger than me so she was still doing her college thing. I never was actually sure what she was studying because it seemed that she was changing schools or majors just about every semester. There was community college then she transferred to the local university then back to community college, and then there was massage therapy school. I could go on and on but I think I’ve made my point.

See this wasn’t just her it was almost all super hot young girl, especially ones with money, they never know what they want because the whole world is laid out on a platter for them. Imagine if you or I had that power; let’s say you could have anything in the world you wanted. Well right off the bat you have something in mind and you pick that thing and cherish forever. But think about if you could always have everything you wanted then that thing you picked whatever it is would eventually lose its lackluster and glory. Because eventually you would get bored and move on the next thing which is conveniently always waiting for you. This is how our world works for a beautiful young lady that knows her worth; the next thing is always there with open arms. This is why hot chicks are always changing their jobs. Layla was no exception to this rule she was always trying the next thing. Luckily she did not have this mentality when it came to men... Or so I thought. One exception Layla did carry was that she never cared about money, she was never into fancy dinners or jewelry or anything like that. She came from a very wealthy family but never acted like it. So there you have it, that was the two of us back then we were just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl and we found comfort in swimming together.

Now we are on our second summer together and having the time of our lives. The only thing left was to figure out what to do with those lives; we had to start focusing on the future. Layla had applied to a school in North Carolina and finally got in, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go but I encouraged to her to at least try it out for a semester. I was madly in love with her and did not want to see her leave but once again who was I to stand in her way. And this time it was different her school was about a five hour drive from me so I could go down and see her whenever I wanted. What’s the worst that could happen in 5 months right? So she decides to go to school in N.C starting in the fall. As for me the Italian restaurant offered me a managing job. I was hesitant at first but then I figured this was a good time for me to get my shit together and first step to doing that is a nice steady paycheck as appose to quick cash that seemed to always burn a hole in my pocket. The end of that summer was one of the best periods of my life. I wish I could of just paused everything and stayed in that moment. But unfortunately life does not come with a Tivo and summer like a good book always seems to end too early.


CHAPTER 7 1/2 THE GODDESS OF LOVE IS A BITCH